My Life with Spencer

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have not been inspired to write in a while; no particular reason. i guess life gets in the way sometimes.

it’s been a great month though; free from some of the drama that was present in my life since the end of last year. i’m thankful for that.

spencer is almost 4 now and the adult stage of his life is wonderful. you can see the joy in his eyes and the calm in his emotions. it’s a beautiful thing when a dog is connected to his owner, his routine, his life. my dog trainer kevin behan always used to say to me that all dogs love their owners but few trust them; that when a dog trusts his owner and feels safe, they become the animal they were intended to be.

i was reminded of this fact early this morning. i went into the cheese shop where i congregate with the breakfast club each morning (a group of us gather there each morning and shoot the breeze). spencer is not allowed inside and while we normally stand outside and talk, today we were all inside so i left the big guy outside to fend for himself.

there is such fluidity between spencer and i, that when i walked in, i knew intuitively that he would find a way to ground himself and wait for me to come back out, whenever i was ready. and while he was not thrilled to be out there while i enjoyed my coffee and bagel with my friends, he nonetheless made due. i hate comparing him to other dogs, but most who are left alone begin to vibrate and show signs of anxiety; barking, scratching at the door to come in, whining, etc. not spencer; he found a seat near the door and waited patiently for my return. at one point when i was about done with my breakfast, i turned around and saw him staring at me through the door, lying on the ground with his head up. i had almost forget he was there, and therein lies what’s possible between dog and man; mutual trust and understanding. it was a great moment even though to most it would appear benign. not for me; i knew from where he came and where he is today; grounded, sated, calm but full of life. so i put on my jacket and went outside, opened the back door to my car and up he went.

on the drive home; i turned around and there he was, sitting near the window, eyes open and alive; happy to be heading home for his morning nap.

what a dog.

we’ll never fully understand dogs. so much of what they do and how they behave and interact with each other and us is a mystery. that’s the interesting part. for example, as you’ll see from the photo, spencer and his new friend henri seem to be pretty comfortable with each other, and they are. however, if little henri nears spencer’s water bowl while the big guy is drinking…..lookout. or if spencer is chewing a bone and henri tries to take it, not a pretty sight.

if there is a dustup, within seconds, literally, they are back to their friendly ways like it never happened; no grudges, no long conversations and apologies, neither dog trying to make up for bad behavior. it’s actually quite amazing if you think about it.

dogs live in the moment, and have no memory of what happened 5 minutes ago. the change in demeanor and behavior from rage to love, fear to comfort, is a fantastic manifestation of what makes them so different from us; and why we should remember not to treat them like people, but rather respect and embrace the primal instinct that lives inside each one of them; big or small in size, they are all wired the same.

so while i love this photo, i know it means something much more than just a cute image, and something i cannot fully understand, and therein lies the gift they bring to our lives if we let them; always mysterious; domesticated but wild. i love the duality of it.

some great photos of the big guy

most mornings spencer and i take a 4 mile walk. we drive into town, park in front of the village cheese shop, say hello to the breakfast club (a group of locals who gather there for coffee) and off we go.

it’s interesting that we could walk anywhere but choose to stroll the same route day after day. the first mile is south towards the beach followed by a mile or so west, either on the beach or street depending on weather and tide, then another mile north, and the final leg back east towards town again where we re join the group.

the loop is all neighborhood two way streets, paved and smooth the way roads in suburbia should be. there is a third ‘lane’ of grass and trees, having the street as one border and the tall shrubs that give the home owners privacy on the other. it’s a perfect path for sir spencer. he’s off leash, stays in his lane and ambles along; marking, sniffing, and picking up a stick which he will inevitably carry for most of the walk; always happy to bring it back to the breakfast club to engage anyone who wants to participate in tug of war or fetch.

i see the same people walking or running each day and acknowledge them with a nod or a smile. many of the same cars and trucks pass me by and there is a honk of the horn or some other friendly exchange. it’s all pleasant and seems like a different universe from the one i inhabited the past 20 years; the isle of manhattan.

I think what resonates with me the most however during that hour or so is just how important this ritual is for both of us. Spencer gets exercise, a healthy dose of nature, and his friends at the cheese shop. for me, it’s hard to articulate; i think the best way i can describe it is that it puts everything into context for me; providing clarity for whatever is going on in my life.

when i’m travelling, i miss the walks. upon my return, i eagerly anticipate being able to get up the next morning, open the back door to my SUV where the back seat awaits and up he goes. the Orvis ’sling’ protects the leather and gives spencer a comfortable place to sit or extend his face out the back window for the good smells. he knows where we are heading, no words are necessary and his eyes tell the story; full of joy and excitement for what is probably his favorite part of the day (with the exception of breakfast and dinner).

we walk in harmony. he’s an extension of me. when he lags behind the instinct is to catch up; when he’s far ahead he waits for me. the push/pull is natural, not dictated by commands; only a primal need for him to explore but be close enough to feel safe and the energy between us. sometimes i get deep in thought, and by the time i re examine the surroundings, we are half way done. it’s not a dream or a trance, just letting go of space and time to be present and aware in a non linear way. i love those moments.

i guess to most it’s just walking the dog. i don’t know, for me it’s become something much more.