My Life with Spencer

“Dogs don’t think, they feel, and they are never wrong.” Those were some of the first words I remember from the initial conversation I had with Kevin upon deciding to adopt my dog Spencer. The statement shifted the paradigm for me as it related to what I was hoping to experience by introducing a dog into my life. What I did not know then was the transformation I would go through as a person and dog owner.

Three years later, I’m still amazed at how Kevin’s teachings affect Spencer and I, and how the value of information he shared highlights the differences in our relationship as juxtaposed against most dogs and their owners. I’m struck at the lack of respect and understanding most owners have about their canine companions. The ‘humanization’ going on is astounding; people trying to turn their dogs into people, and not accentuating their pets’ primal behavior. Instead, conventional literature advocates suppressing a dogs natural instincts in the name of compliance, dominance, and the dreaded ‘pack leader’ dynamic that seems to have imbedded itself as the only way to get a dog to do what it is that people think is appropriate and a symbol of a well behaved pet.

The path Kevin sends his clients down is the road less traveled, and requires a commitment and trust that is hard for most to accept. Most people think they have all the answers and question why they even need a ‘trainer’ in the first place, waiting until problem behavior arises before consulting a professional. Think about how counter intuitive that is. When we need our taxes filed, we hire an accountant so they are filed on time (we don’t wait until after April 15th to engage a professional), when we have a legal matter, we hire a lawyer, not after a decision has been levied by the courts; but when we bring a living/breathing non-human presence into our lives and homes in the most intimate of ways, most think they can just solve the puzzle of domestication and evolution on their own. Then we wonder why 5 million dogs are euthanized every year and why there are so many behavioral challenges even among those that don’t get dropped off at a shelter out of frustration.

What’s missing in the millions of pages and hours devoted to dog training is the voice of the dog, and the realization that all behavior comes from the same place; that if we allow the dog to be a dog and work with the millions of years of evolution that have preceded our furry friend’s entry into our lives, we’ll not suppress but rather accentuate what the dog needs and therefore achieve the goal of harmony and understanding between dog and owner. They are not mans best friend, they are our pets, our dogs; let’s start there….

I made a list of ‘Kevinisms” below that have resonated with me:

“It’s not about working with a dogs personality, it’s about building their character.” Personality is what annoys us about dogs, the incessant barking/licking/jumping. Character is the dog at your feet, mouth slightly open, eyes sparkling, grounded and sated.

“The dog is never wrong.” It’s the owner that enables behavior, good or bad. This was the hardest concept for me to fully embrace. How can you get angry at your dog when it’s never their fault; I struggled with this one for a long time.

“Dogs have no mental memory.” Every moment is their whole life, therefore applying our logic related to cognitive thought leads us down the wrong path in trying to understand dogs and what makes them tick; they are emotional creatures. They don’t sit up at night plotting how to make our lives great or miserable, they just feel and react based on instinct and emotion, most of which is a direct result of what is going on in their owners life and home. Along these lines, Kevin says “The best time to correct a dog is when they have done nothing wrong.” The a ha observation here is the dog rarely processes a correction with a lapse in behavior.

“The dog is in control when he/she is doing what we want them to.” It’s not our job to force behavior, we are charged with helping them understand right from wrong, so they can decide and make the right choices. The alternative is to force compliance, build frustration and anxiety that will find an inopportune outlet at some point, and break the dogs spirit. Who wants a dog like that?

“All energy comes from the same place.” Anger, joy, aggression, sadness, frustration, love, it all emanates from the same origin; so it’s not our job to fight evolution, it’s our job to enable the dog to achieve a calm and a grounded state by accepting the origins of behavior and working with its natural path.

“All dogs love their owners, few trust them.” Trust is earned, love is automatic. Why do dogs let their owners abuse them physically/emotionally for years and still lick their faces, then yet act out and defy instruction/correction? Trust allays fear and anxiety in the dog, but it’s earned, far from automatic. Trust translates into the dog knowing its owner will protect it from harm and danger therefore making them the center of it’s universe.

“Dogs need prey and predator energy to fully bring them to ground and harmony with an owner.” Sometimes when I tell people dogs are descendants of wolves they look at me cross-eyed. The irony here is that the exact emotion they need appears to the naked eye to be dangerous and destructive. I want Spencer to bite, growl, bark, jump at me, and engage in a way where he gives me all that energy, including fear and aggression. The more he does this with me, the less he’ll want to do it with other people or dogs, the more he lets out that energy, the more he’ll trust me, the more he trusts me, the less fear he’ll amass. Think about how different that sounds when compared to what most people are taught to do to ‘control’ their pets. The parallel between wolves and dogs is specific to hunting, and the hunting drive is what most owners suppress out of fear but that is ironically so important to let the dog maintain, just channeled in ways that foster a necessary degree of domestication, but more importantly harmony, and calm in their surroundings and with their owner.

Think about it….

We teach out dog’s ‘tricks.’ Are they a circus attraction or our companions? Do we teach our children to roll over and shake?

We feed them human food and let them sleep in our beds and wonder why they have no boundaries or limits and therefore have no sense of right and wrong at home. Are they humans or dogs (Do we eat their food? Do we sleep in their beds?)?

We dress them in Gucci collars and put coats on them to keep them warm and dry. Do they need any of that to stay warm and dry when they have fur? Can they tell the difference between Gucci and Petsmart?

We feel guilty putting our dogs in crates. How do you explain that the dog gravitates to that exact spot when you allow them run of the house?

We play with our dogs at home, then wonder why they are hyper and restless. They have no delineation between inside and outside and therefore wreak havoc. Get outside and spend a few hours every day engaging your dog, leave them alone at home.

We want our dogs to miss us when we are away and jump all over us when we come home. Is that the way you want your friends and children to react to you when you see them after a long day at work? Don’t you want your dog to have a different reaction to you versus the pizza deliveryman, plumber, mailman, etc (who creates heightened energy every time they come to your door)? As Kevin says, the less they ‘miss’ you, the more connected they are to you. In reality, even when you are not with them physically, they feel you if you are connected to them even when you are away.

We want to play fetch with our dogs, it’s fun to see them go for a stick or ball and bring it to us. Then why, after 15 minutes do we want to stop but the dog could continue the game for hours and never be satisfied. But if you give a dog something to bite and tug on with you he’s sated in 5 minutes. Fetch never completes the cycle for dogs, biting and fighting for whatever it is you have in your hands fulfills the need for prey and predator in their lives. Maybe ‘fetch’ is not so great after all. I thought I wanted to throw the stick in the ocean for 5 hours, when in fact seeing Spencer’s face and body language after 15 minutes of rigorous exercise and the complete satisfaction and fulfillment in his body, that’s more important now and will be to many owners if they are exposed to the difference in an understandable way. Oh, and let the dog win! We take the object away before they have had a chance to fulfill the kill. Would you want the waiter to take away your dinner before you have had a chance to finish your meal?

In the City, we send them to doggie day care and bring them to dog parks because we feel guilty they don’t get enough exercise or socialization. But dogs sleep more then they are awake and if a dog lives in the suburbs crowds of dogs don’t bombard them, so why do we do it in more urban surroundings? Go to a dog park, 9 times out of 10 you’ll witness a fight or a near altercation. Look at the dogs, teeth showing, fur raised on their shoulders, stoic in fear; the owners commenting on how ‘cute’ it is to see them play, when there is no play, it’s all serious business for dogs. There is so much fear/anxiety/frustration/hyper energy in a dog run it’s astounding we don’t see it. Would you rather go to a RAVE party at Webster Hall or meet your friend for coffee at Starbucks? I think you get my point; dog park/doggie day care environments are just unnatural places for dogs, created out of human guilt for a need that simply does not exist. They are also an excuse to redirect the onus of responsibility for raising a grounded dog away from the place the dog wants I the most, it’s OWNER!!

The list is endless, and it’s inane. And by the way, if I had not met Kevin, I would have probably done ALL of the above, including my 75lb dog sleeping next to me in my bed at night. Thank God I met Kevin…

So the common dog owner complaints illustrate some very different answers if you subscribe to Kevin’s teachings:

“My dog barks all the time.” Good! Find a place and time where they can release that energy so they won’t feel compelled to do so compulsively.

“My dog won’t come when I call him.” Then make yourself more attractive by becoming that which your dog craves; both its prey and predator.

“My dog pulls on the leash.” Teach him to find calm and a grounded state in harmony with you

“My dog is aggressive.” Again, good! Use that energy and emotion and channel it in a way that allows that emotion to complete itself in a safe way versus suppression and the eventual blow up that will result from pent up frustration at not being able to let it out.

Etc, etc, etc…

I believe Kevin has the potential to educate people on how they can develop a more complete and fulfilling relationship with their dogs and of course learn something about themselves in the process, provide a message that people are not getting from traditional literature relating to dog/human relationships, and inspire them to take a second look at themselves and their companion. It’s both a call to action for people to respect and know the animal and to look at themselves in a more honest way. To seek answers to questions they previously attached simply to the dog. And how the 2 connect to form a fluid, ever changing and growing energy. Not the owner and the dog as 2 separate organisms, but one emotion, one behavior, one circle, one relationship that relies on each entity.

They are not our friends, they are our pets, and their gift is they can tell us more about ourselves then any friend ever could; they are our mirrors and windows into our souls, but most people would rather teach them to roll over then let them reveal what is going on inside our hearts and minds.